Life Lessons Learnt: Breakups

This week I reached out on Instagram and asked what people want to read, the most popular topic was breakups. Now I know it’s a very common speed bump that ninety percent of the world’s population can relate to, so I thought why not share a few of my lessons learnt over the past 8 or so years.

There is no sugarcoated way to say it, breakups are the absolute worst.

I’ve broken up with boys I love but I’m not in love with, I've been told that I'm the girl that made someone realise that they want to settle down just not with me, I’ve been left by someone I proper fucking love for them to choose someone they have known 5 minutes and I’ve been through the mutual breakup when you both know it’s for the best. I’ve hurt people and I’ve been hurt. But each tiny and big experience can be turned into a learning, so without further ado this is what I’ve learnt from breakups thus far.

Get out of your comfort zone

Staying with someone because you’re afraid of being without them is the wrong reason to be in a relationship. There’s so much more to you than when you’re giving half of yourself to someone else. It doesn’t matter what aspect it may be, take yourself on a date at the local gallery, head somewhere where no one knows your name or just shake things up in your normal routine. Meet new people and plan new goals that you can complete without relying on anyone else. Welcome change with open arms, it’s not as scary as you may think.

Let yourself feel how you want to feel

In the wise words of Alexa Chung, ‘sometimes thing don’t happen for a reason, sometimes life just fucking sucks’ , so never ever beat yourself up for feeling a certain way. If you are feeling shitty or super angry at the world; let yourself feel it because pretending everything is hunky dory will most likely hit you three times the amount when you least expect it. Speaking on personal experience, I was on the Central Line in peak hour, a song came on shuffle that reminded me of a time in my life I thought I had completely erased and the next thing I knew I had a woman passing me a few tissues down the tube. Moral of the story if that you need to go through the motions in order to progress, oh and to carry tissues in London always. But most importantly surround yourself with the people that bring out the best in you, and if that results in a few glasses of Rose` and a friends marathon on the sofa; then I envy your evening.

Social Media Cleanses Help

For yourself, nobody else. It may be a day, a week or two. I know how easy it is to look back on photos you posted with your ex and remember all the good times rather than the rubbish ones. Don’t let those rose tinted glasses fool you.

Trust me you do not need to rely on strangers on the internet to give you a thumbs up on a photo to make yourself feel better. Searching for quotes on captions that you can relate to will not make the process easier. Scrolling and seeing someone having a perfect day in a perfect outfit just looking dam fucking perfect is not going to help you at this time. Simple.

It’s OK to go back

I find it’s almost an automatic response for people to be extremely judgmental and dismissive of someone going back to an ex.

‘Why are you doing this to yourself?!” they’ll ask, ‘you aren’t making the right choice’ they’ll say. But at the end of the day, you may need to, it may be a discussion you want to have with each other, ensure you are on good terms, have a rant and vent or even unfinished business. You are the only person who can make the choice to do so, and you should never be made to feel bad if that is the path you want to take.

Saying that, going back to an ex can really let you know if it’s meant to be or not. With you both giving the relationship a final go and it still not working, no matter how hard it may be to accept, it often will result in your answer. No living with ‘what if’s’ or regrets. Just acceptance of you have done all you can do. But please, do not get into that toxic make-up breakup routine. Always remember once or twice is normal, but any more than that is a recipe for disaster for all parties involved.

Yourself

It may be a bizarre learning but your- self is so important. Learn to love your-self like you can love someone else, give your-self the attention you deserve and most importantly know your-self-worth. If you don’t know how to do the above how can you expect someone else to?

Whether you are going through the motions of a murky break up or the past is getting in the way of you seeing any light at the end of the tunnel; you will get there I promise you. If it may be a cm step forward and a mile backwards, it will all take you to the final destination of being OK. I found that I and others I know have found it so tricky in the past to think that we would ever have anyone fancy us again, or for us to even look at another person the same way we did our exes, but guess what? We did. Even if you are determined that you will never find happiness again, you will.

You will have tears, you will have bad days but then you will stop crying and laugh a shitload. You will find someone who will make you almost feel grateful for your breakup, as it has made you more independent, stronger and made room for this new being to shake things up in a great way. Also if that doesn’t happen for a while that is A O.K, there is no time limits on this. It took me a dam while to let that occur. So even if the person you learn to love again is yourself for a little while, well, that sounds just dandy to me.

If you are as obsessed with the illustrations I used in this article as much as I am, either click on the images or visit the talented sweetheart Martina's Instagram here

Speak Soon Darlings

Mais xx